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What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage Review

I had heard plenty of good reports about Paul David Tripp's latest release, What Did You Expect??: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage (Crossway Books, 2010), and when I was recently asked to officiate a wedding for a young couple I thought it a perfect opportunity to read the book and see if it could be useful in pre-marital counseling. Tripp's book is obviously designed to help those who are struggling in their marriages, but the foundations and practical applications are exactly what's needed for every season of marriage. As the man himself writes, this book is "a detailed description of the daily work of love that must be done with commitment and joy when a flawed person is married to a flawed person and they are living in a fallen world." That covers everyone in every situation this side of eternity.

The book begins with some key principals that underpin the rest of the work, namely the problem of selfishness, the focus on day by day small decisions/actions that lead to the big crises of life, and most importantly the realistic hopefulness that comes from the Gospel. After these foundations come six commitments, each of which receive multiple chapters. The commitments are:

"1) We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.

2) We will make growth and change our daily agenda.

3) We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.

4) We will commit to building a relationship of love.

5) We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.

6) We will work to protect our marriage."

Each chapter features the story of a couple in crisis, how they got there and then Tripp offers the solution that is drawn from the application of the commitment, those being drawn from the foundational principals, which in turn are all drawn from the Gospel. This is the reason that I give absolute, unabashed recommendation for this book. Tripp doesn't lead his readers down some self-seeking inwardly-fixated therapy session. He is not prone to the modern tendency to blame one's parents, environment or breakfast. Instead, he calls sin for what it is, points to Jesus as the only way to deal with sin and then models that same forgiveness in marriage. You see the heart of a pastor and counselor on every page.

I will admit the book is not flawless - there appear to be some repetitions of passages - but even this adds to the weight of the message Tripp is bringing. Other than the repetition, the writing is fluid and engaging, and the points are clearly made. I would love to see some study guide material for the book, especially how Tripp would vary that material depending on audience (pre-marital, marital check-up, marital crisis), but for now I'll be working on my own so that I can employ this book for as many people as I get opportunity.

Bottom line, wherever your marriage is at, this book is worthy of your time and investment. It is both deeply theological and intensely practical. Read it, then do as it instructs, and watch as your marriage grows in health, strength and beauty.

What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage Feature

ISBN13: 9781433511769
Condition: New
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What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage Overview

A longtime pastor, noted author, and international conference speaker calls engaged and married couples to a grace-based lifestyle of daily reconciliation, marked by six practical commitments.

Marriage, according to Scripture, will always involve two flawed people living with each other in a fallen world. Yet, in pastor Paul Tripp's professional experience, the majority of couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations, leaving them unprepared for the day-to-day realities of married life.

This unique book introduces a biblical and practical approach to those realities that is rooted in God's faithfulness and Scripture's teaching on sin and grace. "Spouses need to be reconciled to each other and to God on a daily basis," Tripp declares. "Since we're always sinners married to sinners, reconciliation isn't just the right response in moments of failure. It must be the lifestyle of any healthy marriage."

What Did You Expect? presents six practical commitments that give shape and momentum to such a lifestyle. These commitments, which include honestly facing sin, weakness, and failure; willingness to change; and embodying Christ's love, will equip couples to develop a thriving, grace-based marriage in all circumstances and seasons of their relationship.

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Customer Reviews

A pick for any spirituality library - Midwest Book Review - Oregon, WI USA
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? REDEEMING THE REALITIES OF MARRIAGE blends spiritual observations with marriage counseling and will make a perfect pick for any spiritual collection. Six commitments for couples to make are the foundation of a guide that offers advice on how to construct a loving, grace-including marriage in this pick for any spirituality library.

Much Better than Most Marriage Books - Travis Peterson - Illinois
One of the things I love about reading Paul Tripp is his giftedness for applying Scripture to daily life. In What Did You Expect, Tripp uses this ability to great benefit as he looks at six important commitments that Christian couples need in order to have healthy and God-honoring marriages.

Positives

In many marriage books, the authors somehow manage to ignore the darker parts of our nature. Writers often assume that people are always good and that marital problems are caused merely by miscommunication or by a lack of basic knowledge. Tripp is not so gullible. Taking an honest look at the consequences of two sinners coming together, Tripp makes it plain that we can never stop seeking God's help and working to see that our marriages survive. We are rebels at heart, and Tripp handles that concept well.

Tripp also never lets go of the spiritual dimension of our marriages. This book is not a mere how-to, self-help, or communication manual. Tripp takes very seriously that our marriages have two dimensions, a vertical and a horizontal. While we might strive to have our horizontal relationship right, if we fail to make our marriages primarily about God, the vertical dimension, we will never see truly glorious married life.

Tripp also avoids two major pitfalls that I see in many marriage books. He does not spend page after page giving husbands date night ideas or telling them that, were they merely as romantic as the men in romantic comedies, their marriages would be picture perfect. Nor does Tripp assume that a how-to manual regarding physical gratification is what Christian married couples need. In both areas, I applaud Tripp for seeing into the real issues.

Negative

I love how Tripp's years of biblical counseling experience provide him a wealth of illustrations to draw from as he walks us through our need to continually strive for excellence in our marriages. However, I will say that , at times, the rapid-fire stacking of illustration after illustration can make some of the chapters feel a bit long. I realize this is a personal preference and that others might love this feature, but I would have preferred a little less case study in the work.

Recommendation

What Did You Expect is an excellent book for couples to read together. Tripp is honest and fair in his assessment of the work that is before any married couple. This book does not fall into the traps that make so many marriage books sappy or unrealistic. This book is simply a helpful study of vitally important issues.

A must read for married and those desiring marriage - Kidz Klubs -
This is an incredible, realistic and practical book. It goes far beyond the normal marriage counseling and is a real eye opener into what we must do to ensure a stong marriage. Best I have ever read. Would highly recommend it to all readers, goes far beyond marriage counseling, rich and deep reading for anyone who is seeking a closer walk with God.

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Thursday, August 26, 2010